he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Randomize
