I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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