i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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