Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize