Umm I'm too high to move.
the condom got lost in my hair
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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