the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
