sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.