So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink