Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants