no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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