I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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