He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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