Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You are the jesus of drinking
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
