I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
