youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
