You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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