ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
