Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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