i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
