They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
