Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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