I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
