I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
