If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
