I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
