just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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