I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
