Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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