She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
