My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
