I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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