If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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