I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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