Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
