ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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