Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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