Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
