Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
