i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
