Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
