so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize