i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
