That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
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he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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