my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
