dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
