you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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