The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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