Duck Duck Cougar?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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