Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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