the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
