I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
