I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
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I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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