you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
