I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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