i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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