eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
