Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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