i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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