he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
