You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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