Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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