he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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