I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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