My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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