he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
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this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
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I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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