So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
