she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
