i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
