Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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