walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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