ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm both gender and math confused
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
