There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
