im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
