That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
