i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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