this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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