you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
