if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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