Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
