I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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