with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
