Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
