are you so shy because you have an std?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
