Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
