When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
