I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
