we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
