she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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