Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
