Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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