I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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