You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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